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A Bit of a Crush, Really. [Dec. 15th, 2008|08:31 pm]
Catholic Singles
catholicsingles
[77starshine]
As posted on my journal...

I'm a total believer in what goes around comes around. I feel like if you are ok with you, then most of the time, others will mirror how you feel back to you. I believe that if you aren't confident about yourself, then the same thing will happen again. I say this because lately, I have been getting an overwhelming response to my looks. A lot of men are telling me how pretty they think I am. They just say it matter-of-factly. Like I told you in a recent post, this one really hot guy told me just how hot he thought I was. I was just floored. I guess, deep down, I know I am a child of God, and God doesn't make junk, and that I am a beautiful person, but it has taken me off guard lately. It's kind of amusing that guys lately have just been blurting it out randomly. Like, 'oh by the way, I think you are pretty...I think you look great...you're very cute...I think you are hot.." I want to believe it, mainly because most of the time, I think I am average, which I probably am, but sometimes I think that it's nice to hear what guys are thinking, most of the time. It's kind of refreshing.

It makes me wonder though, what am I doing different? I really don't know. I'm not doing anything really different. No new perfume, or way I wear my hair, etc etc.

I don't know how that segues into the 'Mass guy' but I want to talk about him. Last week, not yesterday, I was way too sick to attend Mass. I assume "Mass guy' was there, knowing a little of what I do know of him. He was there last night. I don't know why I am so drawn to him, but that I am. I haven't had the courage to speak to him yet. I was just thinking that maybe it's because he's a Catholic guy, goes to Mass on a regular basis, has a deep voice, tall, attractive to me, dresses appropriately, can carry a tune, wants to be at Mass all on his own, apparrently lives in close proximity to me, goes to my parish and seemingly single and unattached. Even the way he says 'amen' is cute to me--I guess you have to be there to find it amusing.lol It was so awesome to watch him take communion last night...ok random thought. :) I have such a big crush on him. lol I don't know what to do. I guess the easy thing to tell me is to just walk up to him and say hello, but that's easier said that done. I wish I had that sort of courage. I guess if I didn't care so much, why I do, I don't know, but if I didn't care so much, I would. Usually I'm pretty forward...I tell guys right away if I like them. But him. I don't know. I don't want to make a fool of myself. I think what I like most about him is how in tune he is with God during the Mass. It's really attractive. He's either discerning the seminary or he's praying for a future wife. That's my idea. The only thing I can think of is start praying for him.

Even though other guys are telling me they think I am pretty, I am still a little nervous to just strike up a conversation with this man. If he wasn't at Church, or maybe he is, if he was randomly placed in your world, what would you do in my place? I need some advice. lol
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From: 77starshine
2008-12-17 12:30 am (UTC)
Have you been listening into my conversations with God, Missy?! lol That's so funny. I always talk to God like that. lol I'm actually laughing.

The other day at work, I randomly bumped into, a 79 year old woman who was buying Christmas presents for her family. I was helping her find what she was looking for. Something she said just struck me, and I totally felt the Holy Spirit speaking through her. I don't remember exactly what she said, but she said something like, "Ask and you shall recieve. God only gives to people who ask for it. God always provides." I don't know why I thought of this man the moment she told me this. Maybe because I was thinking, poor me I'm single, like I'm sure some of us do. Even at Mass, he always comes in like the stroke of when the Mass begins, I was looking at this probably 6 month old baby after I had finshed praying after I sat down in the pew. I'm not going to say I didn't want to see this baby, because that would be nuts. He was a beautiful baby, of course. There's just something inside of me that wishes I had that life. I wish I was married with children. The older I get, the more I long for it. People around me are talking up how wonderful it would be to be a nun. I'm not saying it isn't of course, but it's not what I want to hear. That has nothing to do with this man of course, just because he says hello doesnt mean he's the man in my life. lol But you knew that too. lol It's just a weird feeling. I hate having that glimmer of hope that something positive could come out of it and then absolutely nothing. I'm not good at being patient. I think it's one of my biggest flaws. Instant gratification. lol I'm all about that. lol I know next week, when I'm sitting there, I will think of you all telling me to say hello. Hopefully I will have courage and say something. I just like him so much. I don't even know his name, for heaven's sake.

I think that's what I want for Christmas. I think I've figured it out. I want a relationship that will mean something and will last a long time. I absolutely don't know how I go about it, but that's my really Christmas wish.

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